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Married to a Narc

This post is incredibly painful for me to write.

As with all narc blogs, there is usually a lull in writing as the person heals, moves forward or whatever their history with the narc is put behind them.

I'm out of the frying pan with his family and currently in the fire.

I've honestly been in this so long I haven't seen it myself. From the fall of '16 to now, I clearly see I am IN a marriage with a narcissist.

It sickens me, it truly does. I don't know if it is nature of nurture or both but I am struggling to make sense of the pieces in my life.

What changed? I finally opened up to some friends about the reality of my own marriage and was shown quite clearly, that I am in an abusive marriage. He wasn't always like this. Not to me. The lovely person I married has changed into the person his parents made he isn't even trying anymore to fight those demons.

I can go into detail on the verbal abuse I have suffered since writing this blog even started years ago- …

Update

I have grossly abandoned my blog for some time now. I think part of that is from things actually being good- as in non-existent- between myself and the narcs. Also, while being important to share- this blog does bring up bad memories for me and years of my life that are painful to think about.

That being said. WOW. 42,748..... that is the number of views my blog has had since I started it. 

I never in a million years dreamed anyone would read it much less so many of you.

It's been five years since my husband's family came into my life and four of those years with limited to no contact since. Right now I have zero contact with any of them.

I know DH still talks to them on the regular. I'm not stupid. And yeah, it bugs me. But it has nothing to do with me and I'm more than ok with keeping it that way. Dealing with his family has brought us together, but it has also torn us apart. The love is still there, but the in love-ness? It's morphed into a knowing companionship,…

Giving Yourself Permission

There is a common theme I see and have noticed in myself over the years. The need for permission! I feel so many readers come here or peruse other ACoN blogs to get the validation they need to let go. Deep down we're all damaged little kids at heart. We're all used to having authority figures telling us what to do and what not to do, so when it comes to something taboo (cutting out one's family) we seek validation our feelings are legitimate before doing what needs to be done for our own emotional and mental (even physical) health. I'm guilty of this as well.

Fact is, some of us get non-apologies from our narcs. This only leads to more confusion and guilt as we are supposed to 'play by the rules' and 'forgive' what often can't be forgiven. In the case of non-apologies, I like to refer to this post by my dear friend Sister Renee
http://www.luke173ministries.org/466803

Ultimately- what STARTS the whole moving forward process for ACoNs, is the permissio…

Counting Losses

I'm four years out now, from all the chaos and hurt that never was resolved or healed.

It's crazy, huh?

Also four years since I first started blogging about this whole mess.

I haven't been writing much about this but that's really the natural course of these blogs. There comes a time when you simply have said it all and once you are removed from your surroundings, there just isn't fodder for emotional garbage anymore.

Or so they say.

Lately, the NMIL has been trying to write me. I've yet to respond to anything and honestly, there is nothing for me to respond to. They will always have our address for tax purposes, thanks to the setup of the trust DH is involved with.

There never was an apology to me specifically and they know this. No amount of grasping for straws of common ground from them will ever 'get me back' they never really got to know me.

I just feel like it's the end. Of feelings from me, of an era of pain and sadness.

Nice try, guys- but I…

Strings Attached

Just sending some of my thoughts into cyberspace. Ever notice how you can really tell a lot about a person's morals by how they treat others who can do nothing for them?

As far as N's go- there IS NO SUCH THING as simply being nice to someone else. For the sake of being a decent human being, you know. Like normal people sometimes do.

N's aren't normal. If you can't give them something in return they will do nothing for you OR create something you can do for them, whether it be flattery, dealing with their bullshit, etc.

You might find some N's are religious and can give large amounts of support and funds to overseas missions and the like- however, they will never reciprocate that to someone truly in need if the good deed goes unnoticed by the whole of society.

But they will make millions of dollar missions trips to Africa.....

That's just my own experience with N's. All the ones I have known are very, very rich and yet somehow still give crap gifts to p…

The Brick Wall Exercise

I was thinking of this late the other night as I was up for no good reason. Not sure if I ever shared this tip, but it's a simple exercise that really has done wonders for self-healing.

With narcs, it's hard to heal! You never get an apology, never get an acknowledgement that they have hurt you or that they are even sorry, what normal people don't quite 'get' is that people like us have to find some way to continue on with our lives haunted by what was and what never will be resolved this side of heaven.

Narcs go on living their own hurtful, self-centered lives and you have to somehow pick up the pieces they left of your heart and put it back together again. Moving on while broken is the hardest thing many of us have had to do! I admire that so much.

Not having closure- it's no wonder so many ACoN's struggle with PTSD thoughts, triggers and nightmares. The 'Brick Wall' technique is one I made up and taught myself and it might not work for everyone, …

The House of Usher

It's always interesting for me to watch the sage unfold- as a specter. For indeed I have been dead and buried to them for some time now, but I can watch from far off in the distance as the dynasty of domination falls down around them.

If you've read my blog since the beginning, you'll know NMIL had built her mansion (literally, I'm not figurative here) around the idea that someday all the adult children would be able to move in with their families if need be. Making each child's bedroom a suite of sorts with it's own bathroom, etc. Creeptastic, right? Well anyway, DH is in minor contact with the N's for tax purposes, which means he does hear snippets of the grand goings-on of the 'big house'.

Irony of ironies, the last unmarried sibling has moved out with a significant other and is not looking like they will return. This means the house is empty aside from NMIL and NFIL, of course and whatever missionary they might entertain in this grand house just…