Confessions from the Fog

Nothing better to title this post- sorry! lol I lack creativity at the moment because I'm full of hatred and self-loathing. I don't have a therapist because I'm broke ass poor, so this is me channeling all the stupid I've faced today into a good cry-rant session. Pull up a chair, if you don't want to- there's the door. My blog, my words. I'm tired of being a good girl everyone expects. I am SICK of dealing with stupid people, idjits. I think dealing with utter stupidity brings back a LOT of PTSD for me from my N-dealing days. I feel cold, clammy, attacked, threatened and furious all at once. For people questioning and NOT letting it effing GO that my opinion is my opinion and I have a right to it. And if they don't agree they don't NEED to ask me a zillion questions trying to prove that they are right and I am wrong. Get where I'm coming from? That triggers me, it just does. Let it go, don't let it bother you. It doesn't matter. Does

Bad mom/good mom confessional- the other day I was so fed up with my son screaming in my ear- he's in the screamer stage and he shrieks for fun- not because he wants or needs anything. Which was ok. I tolerated it. Five hours later with a blinding headache I had to set him down in his room and walk away before I did anything I'd regret. Tough love, huh? I vaguely remembered something that one mom said helped her- in those times when you're overwhelmed and about to lose it- take out those baby books or photos and remind yourself of the whole picture. It worked! It definitely helped me keep my cool and keep a level head to go back in there and pick him up again- he wasn't always a newborn and he won't always be a seven month old- reminding myself of how fast he's changing really helped me in the moment. While looking back can be a good thing, I think it can also be a very bad thing. Especially with regards to toxic family or friends or people who are family and

You know when someone offers to have a slice of something indulgent with you- as if to block out the calorie-guilt? There's a misconception I think we're all familiar with that if you share a slice of cheesecake with someone who's also having a slice of cheesecake, it's somehow less fattening. I was reminded of this time and time again recently and it seems like something to share. Oftentimes, people indulging in something that's bad for them will want you to share it with them. A bad attitude, a poor outlook on life- actual calories haha- or bad relationships with a frienemy. Misery loves company and I know of many people who want to share their negative vice with others. Why? Well, I guess it makes them feel better about their choice. Don't be sucked into the mentality that misery is better shared. Flying monkeys love to use that thought process to get you to be miserable WITH them. Narcs don't change- and they don't become any less poisonous when

How many times have we all heard that one? Maybe a little more prevalent in the circles I am accustomed to- evangelical circles- when one is explaining away another's apparent lack of empathy. Sister Renee posted on the Luke 17 ministries facebook page about just this topic. If you really want to pick out a narcissist in a crowd- look for the person exhibiting inappropriate glee or joy or NO emotion whatsoever when others tell of harm or hard times that have befallen them. Beware of people who turn the conversation back to them. When the story-teller is truly in pain and needing support, an ordinary person knows to shut the hell up and listen and at least pretend empathy if they only have sympathy for the other person. A psychopath will not. They are the ones sitting with blank stares, perhaps they are on the edge of their seat waiting for an opportunity to turn the conversation back to them and how THEY are going through a 'rough' time too because they were all out of

The best piece of marriage advice I've ever received was one I didn't listen to.  "Never go to bed angry"  Really? Well it might work for some people but I find that oftentimes getting a good amount of sleep can greatly clarify any argument and hurt feelings. Sure, you can argue about how it's not healthy- but neither is fighting stupid.  New year, new times. DH and I have fought once majorly since the year began and I think it was really a result of us being overworked and underslept.  I think that's advice anyone can take to heart, whether you struggle with fights over ACoN things or not. Sometimes it's better to let it be and come back to a situation later when you're not so emotionally charged.  Another fair point I think many ACoNs suffer from is argument-related PTSD, which also makes it harder to come to an agreement after a fight. I know I find myself cringing at raised voices and, even though my mind knows the end result won&#

I might explode. Like- actually- burst into flames explode. "So pissed at my in laws, they said they weren't able to watch Jr but now they said they can take him all weekend so we have time to relax." Basically any and all family-related complaints these days are #firstworldproblems to me. Like when someone complains their water is too cold after chewing peppermint gum. Or when you overeat and complain about indigestion. Or when your smartphone accidentally deletes a song you downloaded. Get my drift??? As an ACoN and married to an ACoN- I can say that it takes everything I have in me not to bite someone's head off when they complain about first world, family problems that aren't really problems at all. Problems are when your family disowns you or you disown them because they're too toxic to be around- problem is your MIL telling you to go kill yourself because you're not the DIL SHE wanted.... so yeah. All those 99 problems most people have? Those